Weddings have a way of making me typically feel crummy. More often then not I've not even had a boyfriend at the time and I usually respond just myself. So I get stuck by myself at the table while they do all the couples dancing things and calling people out there. Not only that but then they have the throwing of the bouquet which for some unknown reason married people LOVE to oust the single ones. I always end up feeling like the spotlight is all over me (when in reality I know its all over the new couple but work with me here).
Last night though, I went to quite possibly one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to. I am attached now so I had my boyfriend with me, but he doesn't really do dancing so it isn't like we would have been out there for those dances but we aren't married... yet (ha ha ha) anyway so we'd have sat those out even if he did dance.... but they didn't have that kind of dance, then they also didn't do the garter belt nor did they do the throwing of the bouquet. You have no idea how much more enjoyable this wedding was to me because of those things. Somehow at least in my family (read there are a select few) someone always says something to me or does something to make me feel like I was this big, fat, ugly loser that no man wanted to be with. They didn't SAY that but what they did say made me go to that place. There was a point there where it seemed everyone was getting married, all my cousins, all my friends, all my co-workers.
One day I read an article about being single that another single mom friend at work gave to me (this was a few years ago). I felt changed and renewed, I didn't even want no stinking man so why would I let a few things said at a silly ole wedding bother me... then I went to another wedding and those silly ole things DID bother me, old feelings don't die very easily do they? See part of my feelings stem from I was never married to the kiddo's dad I've never experienced marriage or a wedding or anything and it brings up ugly feelings when people ask stupid questions at a wedding in fact... I've always wanted to answer the one about "Soooo, when are we going to come to one of these for you?" with "When you remove your head from your arse and stop asking such dumb questions" or "Oh... I had one, I didn't think I wanted you there so I didn't invite you. He's around here somewhere... where oh where did he go, oh well maybe you can meet him some other time" or "I'm saving myself for me, I don't have time for anyone else".... something quick and witty and just rude. I'm really not a rude person but just once I'd love to be lol
Last night though... I didn't want to leave the wedding at any point, it was just fun and no pressure as a single person.
I know I have gone to a few weddings attached before or with just dates and I always still left with that 'I'm a big, fat, ugly loser' feeling so it isn't that I was attached... unless it is because I feel that content feeling with who I am with and where we are going.
I wonder is it that content feeling? Is it that I've grown and I'm just able to appreciate weddings for the true beauty they are? Orrrrrr is it the fact that the reception didn't have activities that involved separating the singles out from the married couples? I don't know but I do know that I enjoyed myself and was sad to leave (I had to be at work by 5:30 am today... YAWN).
So as a single parent.... how do weddings make you feel? What do you love about them? What do you hate about them?
Work in Progress
9 years ago