Sunday, March 22, 2009


I haven't written in quite some time. I'm just so overwhelmed with life.

I feel very pulled lately, everyone needs something from me. I did something this weekend, I powered down my cell phone and haven't used it. I think I'm going to do that for next weekend too.

April is set to be an extremely overwhelming month with work, school, and outside obligations to friends/family.

I know part of the problem is I don't know when or how to say no. So I've decided after April is over I'm just going to power down my cell phone often. I've already made these commitments so I'll just not make any more.

No to parties
No to going out
No I can't do that this weekend

My school work is suffering, my health is suffering, my life is suffering. For now I just want to really and truly focus on me, my schooling, my health, and my finances. I've tried the explaining it to others and people just don't get it. They think oh, its just me asking for one thing. See though, its not just you asking for one thing... its you and 15 other people.

Another issue is I work Sunday thru Thursday.... most people get Sunday to relax, I don't. So everyone wants my Friday evenings and my Saturdays but no one can seem to realize that Saturday is my Sunday, Thursday is my Friday, and Friday is my Saturday. I need a relax and get stuff done day too. Also because I'm not married I think people think I'm free to just do whatever, not true. As a matter of fact even less true, there is less money because there isn't a second income, there is less time because I must do it all and also less energy because I must do it all.

I've always been pretty suckful at time management and its time I get less suckful and it so my life doesn't drive me insane!

Of course, my mom thinks the powering down the phone this weekend is ALL about her *insert the eye rolling here* she tugs too and harasses too. She is like a big huge powerful energy sucker anyway. The powering down of the cell phone had everything to do with being tugged in too many directions. I let the people that would put an APB out on me know (my mom and a couple of close friends) I was doing this. Every time I talk to my mother she tells me something she needs. I find it not amusing. Also our relationship lately has been a pretty big failure. I don't like even talking to her for short periods of time, I find myself snapping at her and getting quite snarky. I know why it is, she refuses to see why. We've never had a good relationship anyway. I've had major thoughts of cutting half of my family out of my life completely... but then the pangs of guilt come on and I just can't do it. I can however minimize crap. Okay, okay... I know she will never read this so I can come here and vent away about her. Don't think I'm some crappy daughter please, I'm not. I'm just a girl that had a very tough childhood and my mother certainly didn't make it any easier or better, she refuses to accept her responsibility in my crappy childhood, then she leeches crap from me by way of guilt (it works good btw for her). So ummm yeah there is a lot there and lately I've had my fill.


Rachel said...

I swear we are living parallel lives. My job is making me very resentful and I have no time to myself EVER. And my mother was crappy to me and refuses to acknowledge that much less take responsibility for it.
Ugh, something has to give, because I hate this feeling in my gut, like a heavy weight of dread.

Kari said...

I say we go somewhere warm and tropical, we get the hottest cabana boys there. On our moms dimes of course.

If it helps any powering the cell phone down really did help revive me a little. I had a hot bath tonight too.

jeanie said...

I can't offer the cabana boys, but everything else is open to you here!

I think it is a great idea. If someone asks, you can always say "I have a date" - if pressed, you are building a fulfilling relationship - with yourself, because you are learning to value YOUR time.

Good luck.

Kari said...

I have other plans or a date might work. I'm not a good liar though. I'll have to convince myself I am my date and that it is worth it.

Rachel said...

You could always say you have a date with Bob (battery operated boyfriend)...
Sorry, that was very inappropriate, but it just might work!

Kari said...

ha ha ha I like your style Rachel. They may never ask again what my plans are or why I can't go somewhere. Especially my mom... the nosiest of them all ha ha ha ha...