That's about how I feel right now.
I'll be 31 one soon, I know some of you think that I'm still a baby and to you I say I'M NOT A BABY!!! Okay, now that I've gotten that out of the way. I want to cry *sniffles* Last year for my birthday I had fabulous friends who threw me a fabulous 30th b-day bash. It was great! I had fun, and I was actually excited about turning 30. I hated most of my 20's they were a lot harder than one might think. I had a lot happen in those years and I was a mom before I even ever turned 20. Custody battles being the biggest sour note of all of my 20's. The tail end of my 20's I had a pretty major relationship end that was devastating to me. Hopes and dreams of marriage and babies went down the tubes with him (or at least it seemed that way then, I know better now the whole fish in the sea and I'm okay without and blah blah blah).
So now here I am, still single... still a mom... still going to school... still working a job I'm not entirely happy with... still... still... still.... and I'm going to be 31, next month. I don't want anyone to acknowledge my birthday... I want it to go away. I want to pretend I'm still 30 and I have a whole year to make life GRAND! I think I had this fantasy about turning 30 that something magical would happen and lemme tell ya it really hasn't.
I realize I'm fast approaching "too old" for more babies. Pretty soon those ovaries will shrivel up and the chances will be gone. On the other hand I am no where in a place to be having babies either but my clock is going like a mad (wo) man.
I've gone backwards in the past couple of years in hopes that will bring me forward one day. I know that doesn't make sense but it was a necessary evil. I haven't accomplished anything really, or I feel like I haven't.
I guess, I'm just depressed a bit. That big sigh you heard it was me... don't mind it, whining and having a pity party today.
5 years ago