Soooo....

I don't even know where to start. I got married, I had a baby (he is 6 months old now), I'm in school and about 8 months away from graduating.

Whew! That was a lot for one sentance. Life sure has been busy, busy, busy.

Life has also hit us some HUGE curve balls but we are chugging along.

I'm working on a healthier me right now and thought I'd fire the ole blog back up.

So I'm making daily goals.

Today my goal is to keep drinking more water and eat at least one healthy meal. That meal is dinner. We are having steaks, but a lean cut and these http://www.ezrapoundcake.com/archives/4685 I'll let you know how they taste.

I worked out yesterday for 20 mins of the 30 min work out DVD I pulled out. Not too shabby.

I need to get to this thing more often....

the thing is though that I'm not sure what to write these days.

I should have blogged my whole wedding process what fun that would have been to look back upon one day!

Speaking of the wedding is in less than 3 weeks!

I'm going to make a huge effort to blog and maybe not have a real focus for now. I am thinking on having a specific focus for this blog but I haven't quite decided yet.

So what is it I have been up to?

I'm getting married that's what!

Proposal was magical and beautiful from my thoughtful man a few days before V-day this year and we plan on getting married August 27, 2010.

Wedding planning can be a lot of work, it can be stressful but also FUN! It doesn't have to be a lot of work though, simplicity is about it right now, simiple and frugal without tacky can be done.

Just thought I should update in case anyone ever still reads :)

We are thrilled and that includes dd as well.

Getting Healthy!

I have this goal, I want to be healthy. I've been sick on and off for some time now. Not really knowing why I am getting sick so often and not just your run of the mill cold, allergies, and sinuses. I've had weird things like mesenteric adenitis (and I had this fairly recently not as a child), or lots of bladder infections (like the one I have right now), and all sorts of other things pneumonia included. Because of other symptoms I had 3 years ago I've been tested for lots of things. They come back normal or borderline but not enough to give a diagnosis of any kind.

I'm gaining weight like no tomorrow. In one month time I gained 8 pounds, EIGHT, yes EIGHT pounds. I'm tired, I'm unhealthy, I'm unfit. I need to change what I can. Starting Sunday I'm going to be 'dieting' or eating way healthy, I'm also going to be exercising (oh lawdy help me, please). I have already been doing some of this but the scales say I'm not doing enough to even keep myself at the current overweight status I was.

I'd love to loose 86 pounds but I'd settle for even 70 pounds and then going from there and seeing how I feel and what not. Losing 70 pounds will put me right in the middle of my weight range for a healthy weight for my health, 86 pounds will put me at the low end of that range and will make me entirely happy.

I won't make this blog all about my weight loss goals and exercising but I will be blogging about it. I hope that I can count on some support through it all.

Goal setting...

I'm on a major goal setting kick lately, I think I feel inspired or motivated for some of these goals. I know though from past experience changing too much too fast will be a sure fire way for me to throw in the towel.

I have three major goals right now:

1) Getting my side business up and running
2) Eating healthier and exercising to start my weight loss goals
3) Getting my finances in order

With these things in mind, I'm trying to decide how to go about them best. I think blogging along the way about them will help keep me on track and stay motivated, plus be accountable. Can I count on all of you to help keep me accountable?

So what I've been doing lately to reach these goals

1) Getting my side business up and running
a) Did my first paid job, it wasn't much but it was something and asking for a testimonial
b) Making a mental plan to set up a website

2) Eating healthier and exercising to start my weight loss goals
a) Joined sparkpeople.com
i) Created my profile & personal page
ii) Set up my weight loss goals and target date
iii) Posted an intro on the introductory boards

3) Getting my finances in order
a) Blogging on my other blog, How I Became a Fiscal Fussbudget
b) Held a garage sale
c) Started work on an improved budget
d) See goal #1 ;)

Expect to see more from me in the coming days, weeks, months..... I want to make sure I'm goal setting. For now I'm just going to write down my goals and what I can do in the short term to reach those goals. I don't want to get overwhelmed with long term goals since organizing and this whole proper goal setting/reaching is newer to me.

Oh, and if someone can tell me how to do this whole indentation of my a),b),c) and i),ii), iii) that would be wonderful! I couldn't figure it out and its still too early to try to do so.

Frugal Vacation for the limited budget....

So I have vacation time scheduled in just about 2 weeks.

There is nothing planned, the money just isn't there. As a single parent I can't justify spending money that isn't there. Add in that Christmas is just really around the corner and YIKES!!!

We are going to have a staycation in a way but... a lot of people that do staycations jam pack it with local things to do. I don't know that we'll do much of anything.

My aunt and uncle have generously offered up their trailer at their camp ground for 2-3 days during the week and it isn't that far we may do that. All the equipment is there so really all I need is the cost to get in for each time we leave and come back (I think it is about $5), food, and gas money. Not so bad.

We also have a wave pool that is nearby it's $5 to get into the State park (I didn't get a pass this year) and $3 for each person to swim. We can bring our own picnic lunch.

When looking at it this way we'll have plenty to do and still have a relaxing time. Honestly... relaxing is what I want the most... my kid wants fun and adventure so we can have a combo of both.

We now live with my boyfriend and so it is a little easier to be able to spend a bit more freely with someone sharing the bills... but in order for us to all live together we had to upgrade the apartment, meaning I needed more than just one bedroom so we did that. Even with the added expense of the extra room its still cheaper in rent for me so thats good. That said things were just scrapping by most months and heaven forbid an emergency happens like the car breaking down. I'd rather make a cushion so I'm not living paycheck to paycheck and that's going to take quite a bit of time to do. Living as we were for as long as we were its easy to get excited and say wooohooo we can do so much more and my daughter can have so much more. Then I think about reality... reality is we could be alone again, I could struggle again... anything could happen and it'd be nice to have that cushion and THEN be able to say woohoo we can have a real vacation or YAY, I can buy my daughter x,y,z she really deserves it (although not lately with her preteen attitude lol).

Sooo, I'm not sure what we will do on vacation but I'm going to try to make it as fun and relaxing to appease everyone as possible.

What do other strapped for cash single parents do for things like this? How do you appease yourself (relaxation) and the kid(s) with excitement and adventure with limited to no funds to do so?

I'm still tired...

I think its time for another doctors visit. I keep getting shrugged off nothing is wrong. Recently they thought something major was wrong, thankfully I was tested and everything 'seems' fine.

Now I have new symptoms and the old one went away... turns out the old one was an infected cyst so there was something wrong just not the knee jerk reaction wrong that the doctor thought due to family history.

I feel like a hypochondriac, I find myself wondering is it that or is it the fact that I am just an odd duck and there is something there that isn't "classic case"?

*sigh* more weird symptoms... nothing is ever simple symptoms.

So here I am blogging about it because maybe they will go away that way. I've never been one to take my health serious enough until it gets bad. I ask for advice I don't take until it gets worse and then I see a doctor. I guess I just don't trust my gut when it comes to illness. As a child there are issues deeply imbedded and my relationship with ex has me questioning myself all the time too due to things he had said during our relationship.

Its funny, or rather not funny, that one can come so far in healing themselves but these things they always have a way of creeping up on you... you aren't really ever healed it just sits there. There really is no logical reason I don't trust my own instincts regarding my health and body but I have this fear that the doctors will think I'm the crazy and I'll walk out of there with the knowledge that others were right I am just over reacting or whatever it is that 'they' said. Time and time again most times I have had it proven to me I should have sought care sooner, like when I got pneumonia, I ended up really sick because I thought I just had a cold and was afraid to go to the doctor for fear I'd be laughed at for coming in for a wittle ole cold.

Stupid... yes, irrational... yes, there in my head keeping me in fear... yes. *sigh*

Anyone else like this?

Weddings...

Weddings have a way of making me typically feel crummy. More often then not I've not even had a boyfriend at the time and I usually respond just myself. So I get stuck by myself at the table while they do all the couples dancing things and calling people out there. Not only that but then they have the throwing of the bouquet which for some unknown reason married people LOVE to oust the single ones. I always end up feeling like the spotlight is all over me (when in reality I know its all over the new couple but work with me here).

Last night though, I went to quite possibly one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to. I am attached now so I had my boyfriend with me, but he doesn't really do dancing so it isn't like we would have been out there for those dances but we aren't married... yet (ha ha ha) anyway so we'd have sat those out even if he did dance.... but they didn't have that kind of dance, then they also didn't do the garter belt nor did they do the throwing of the bouquet. You have no idea how much more enjoyable this wedding was to me because of those things. Somehow at least in my family (read there are a select few) someone always says something to me or does something to make me feel like I was this big, fat, ugly loser that no man wanted to be with. They didn't SAY that but what they did say made me go to that place. There was a point there where it seemed everyone was getting married, all my cousins, all my friends, all my co-workers.

One day I read an article about being single that another single mom friend at work gave to me (this was a few years ago). I felt changed and renewed, I didn't even want no stinking man so why would I let a few things said at a silly ole wedding bother me... then I went to another wedding and those silly ole things DID bother me, old feelings don't die very easily do they? See part of my feelings stem from I was never married to the kiddo's dad I've never experienced marriage or a wedding or anything and it brings up ugly feelings when people ask stupid questions at a wedding in fact... I've always wanted to answer the one about "Soooo, when are we going to come to one of these for you?" with "When you remove your head from your arse and stop asking such dumb questions" or "Oh... I had one, I didn't think I wanted you there so I didn't invite you. He's around here somewhere... where oh where did he go, oh well maybe you can meet him some other time" or "I'm saving myself for me, I don't have time for anyone else".... something quick and witty and just rude. I'm really not a rude person but just once I'd love to be lol

Last night though... I didn't want to leave the wedding at any point, it was just fun and no pressure as a single person.

I know I have gone to a few weddings attached before or with just dates and I always still left with that 'I'm a big, fat, ugly loser' feeling so it isn't that I was attached... unless it is because I feel that content feeling with who I am with and where we are going.

I wonder is it that content feeling? Is it that I've grown and I'm just able to appreciate weddings for the true beauty they are? Orrrrrr is it the fact that the reception didn't have activities that involved separating the singles out from the married couples? I don't know but I do know that I enjoyed myself and was sad to leave (I had to be at work by 5:30 am today... YAWN).

So as a single parent.... how do weddings make you feel? What do you love about them? What do you hate about them?

Looking for a new rental...

So we are looking at homes to rent, currently the kiddo and I are in a one bedroom apartment, but... we are looking at 2+ bedrooms and will be having another paying person with us so we can afford a bit more :)

I would love to rent a house but they may be a bit out of our budget about $800/mo is our limit but I'd like to keep it at $600-$700/mo unless we find a beauty or something with a huge yard or something.

So far this is what we have found:

This we are looking at either Tuesday or Wednesday. So far by pictures it is my favorite that is readily available.

We want to look at this but the landlord hasn't answered email or phone we drove by it its still up for rent, pictures don't do it justice I don't think but oh well the yard really has great potential and Sabrina could ride her bike back and forth between her dad's house and this place which automatically makes it 100% ideal.

I'm going to call about this one today too & this one but it is REALLLY REALLY SMALL almost as small as a 1 bedroom apt so I doubt we would like it.

We have a few apartments in mind that are really gorgeous but we'd like to find a house that we could potentially buy if the landlord would let us if at all possible.

Rentals are few and far between even apartments are here in the school district. I found a total of two houses for rent the one with the youtube video and one that was already rented out that really was the PERFECT home for us, I was so disappointed :( here it is if you want to see it you'll immediately see why I loved it. Who knows maybe it will be up for rent again soon, I gave the guy my number just in case to keep us in mind anytime it comes up for rent. He also told me he had a daughter with a house for rent in the same area 2 bedrooms but no basement for slightly less than that one. He was supposed to give her my number but I haven't heard anything yet.

We do have some time but if we find the right place that is just perfect we are going to take it, for now we are getting ideas of what is available and for what prices. I'm finding there aren't any rentals really in the school district, I found city stats (for our city, there are 3 that farm into the school because they are so small) and only something like 12% of the population are renters, which means there aren't a lot available... good thing I have 3 "cities" to choose from (I put that in quotations because using that word just seems funny they are more like teeny tiny towns).

Softball

My daughter started softball for her first time this year at almost 12. At this age they play fast pitch so she has a lot to learn to catch up to the other girls. She is doing it slowly but surely.

I had to post today, because they won!!! Also though, because she hit the ball TWICE and got home TWICE, she did strike out once and also she got out once but man it is soooo cool to see the smile on that kid's face when she comes back after she hit it and even got out let alone making it home. Her team is such good sports they cheer hard for her when she hits the ball harder than any other player even when she gets out after hitting it. Its really cool because they are so much more advanced than she is and sometimes she really 'drops the ball' when they could have won but they never ever let her see their disappointment in her. What a great team huh?

They do little cheers through the whole game... my favorite

"(players name) baby, you look so good to me, you're driving me crazy come on hit the ball for me. Oh (players name) baby come on hit the ball for me..." it goes on. Its just something you never hear in a boys game. Girls are great aren't they?

What kind of parent (or single parent really...) are you?

I hear all the time different variations of what makes one a single parent.

Back in the day a single parent would basically mean parenting totally alone ie. a single mom typically where the dad got every other weekend time with the children and sometimes took it and sometimes didn't.

Now you hear the term single mom/single dad/single parent all over the place. Military spouses call themselves single parents when the other parent is deployed, dads who have EOW (Extended over weekend) and one day a week parenting time call themselves single dads, moms who share joint custody with the dad call themselves single moms. Everyone without or even sometimes with a spouse are single parents.

So to you what makes a single parent? What makes you a single parent? I'm intrigued to know.

For me it is the fact that I am unmarried, parenting a child... I do have to share custody and I do have to co-parent but at my home I parent alone there is no one to pick up the slack or help with the bills, there is no one who does any of that but me. Now I do have a boyfriend and he does help with all the slack stuff when he is here and I have never had that before so its very new to me and I can't believe how much easier life is when he is around to help with the laundry, or start dinner, do the dishes.... I have to be very careful not to take too much advantage of this because I feel it creep up all the time like ohhh I'll just leave that for T he'll be here soon before I know it I'm half finishing everything because I know he'll help... so I have to catch myself and say no... this is my job and he loves helping me because it makes me happy but it isn't his job.

Oh boy, I kept going in my true fashion huh? lol I have a tendency to over explain ha!!!

I'm still around

Still sort of taking a break... reading and responding to others blogs. Just wanted to check in. I am still blogging on my financial blog because I need the accountability but other than that I just don't have it in me to update about life, I did and planned on it then more crapola happened lol isn't that always the case?

Keeping busy and trying to fit in some me time when I can squeeze it in. Hopefully by next week I'll be back on track and posting again :)

Taking a break

I'm around, but not posting much. I have had some issues come up that are making life pretty stressful and also getting less sleep.

Last nights stressful moment, getting a call from my mom saying her Blood Pressure was 75/45 and I had to call her an ambulance and rush over there. When paramedics got there it was 100/60 not sure if something was wrong with the way she was doing it or not but 100/60 is low too especially for someone who usually has high Blood Pressure. She's also having trouble regulating her mental health medications and that has lead to some scary stuff as well. I'm wondering if its just the meds or if she is going into some early Alzhiemers its hard to say with someone with her history.

I'm also busy with the kiddo last week and this week has me having to be somewhere with her every single night this week. Softball, band, GS, end of year stuff has us running crazy.

Keep us in your thoughts please.

Let the talking begin.... Tweens/Teens and cell phones.

My daughter has never been much a phone talker. In a way she still isn't EXCEPT when it comes to her BFF of course then she can talk, and talk, and talk on the phone. Or just sit there and listen to each other giggle.

The talking it doesn't stop. We enacted some rules it seems she hasn't been following so now there will be new restrictions on her phone use and how to keep her off of it when she shouldn't be on it.

Her phone is checked periodically she knows this. Her records everything... so when she'd been really good about it we've laxed. I check on her the other night its a school night and it is 10:30 pm and she was on her phone... TALKING to her friend.

New rule, phone goes up at night. Why didn't we think of that before? Well she's been responsible and shown we didn't need to.

I actually find it kind of amusing but don't tell her that... I gave her the stern face and the lecture. Really though, did she think she could hide it? I went and checked and she's been doing it for a couple of weeks which means her dad hasn't been checking records lately either. They have a new rule there too because... da da da da... she got caught there too. Is it odd I find it so amusing? Because this post it makes me chuckle.

Also it is sort of refreshing to see her have some normal behavior for her age group and know it is normal behavior. For so long we had so many troubles it is kind of nice. Weird in a way yes but not uncommon for parents with kids who have had/have special needs and issues with behavior.

So what are your cell phone rules for your kids?

Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends out here in blog land.

Today I am at work, my child is sleeping still soundly in the bed. I hope to return home to something cleaned oh how nice that would be wouldn't it?

When I get home I'm making dinner for Sabrina, my mom, and myself. We are having potatoes, green beans, and pork chops. This should be interesting as I am in a splint that immobilizes my wrist and arm.

I contemplated just coming home and heating up pizza rolls and calling it a night but I'm trying to be fit and healthy and that is not all that healthy so while the other meal isn't 100% healthy either it is healthier than pizza rolls.

My mom wanted us to come over there to cook but I told her no I have to work I can't do all of that. I think she knew I was serious because she didn't argue much about it.

Before I snuggle myself in bed, early of course, I am going to take a nice hot bath as a treat to myself.

What are you doing today?

More stress... financial stress

So you'll have to view my blog entry at my other blog here in order to see but suffice it to say for this reason and some personal reasons I'm stressed.

I got Wii Fit this past Thursday as a gift for my birthday and actually that has been helping. The kicker is I had to see the lawyer on my Birthday to get a consult. I retained him.

I'm in this mess for several reasons a big one is custody crap the other big one is medical bills. I'm not even in credit card debt really.

I'm overwhelmed, completely and utterly... but I'm hanging in there and I'm doing things to not feel so overwhelmed.

There are also some family issues going on I'm not really ready to discuss here but its been rough. It will get better though... I hope.

Onto some good things... my kiddo is in softball and its fun to watch, I took Sunday off as a floater and relaxed all day. Some laundry was done and dinner was cooked other than that I sat on the couch all day long it was bliss, sheer bliss.

Family time, work, school... LIFE

Yesterday, we went to a family function. My cousin's son made his First Communion. I had a really nice time and I realized something... it was relatively stress free, normally our family functions are not stress free.

The next thing I realized was that my Uncle was playing cards with the guys most of the day/evening so he wasn't there to cause ruckus among everyone. I also noticed my mother wasn't there and this allowed for me to relax and not be totally stressed.

The stress that my mother causes me is really unreal. I'm not quite understanding how a mother can do that to her child.

I realized I still have a lot of anger and resentment towards her and it isn't likely to go anywhere soon unless she takes on the responsibility for the things she did to cause those feelings towards her. That is likely to never happen.

Why do I stay in contact with her? I do not know, I can not answer that except to say I'm not ready to write her off completely and disown her.

She drives me batty though, and when you add her along with the other stresses in my life at the moment it doesn't make for good health that is for sure.

Work is another issue driving me crazy, I'm hoping that in the near future I can leave this office and not look back. Out of the few issues causing me enough stress to impact my health work is another one. Money issues, work, and my mother I can pin point the stressors in my life but there isn't much I can do about any of them.

School isn't going so well and again I can say the stress in my life has a negative impact on school. I need to be able to focus more on school, myself and my child. Work and my mother don't take heed and just take, take, take from me. My work schedule is pretty stressful at the moment and I never seem to have more than a day off at a time. They cut out overtime, which I was excited about until the impact of no overtime meant that really we work some crazy crap to make up for the no OT to cover the uncovered shifts (due to vacations, sickness....). I find myself needing/wanting a week off for mental health instead of an occasional mental health day. I find myself contemplating the foot surgery that really costs more than I can afford just so I can have time off of work. How crazy is that? I want surgery to get away from this place for a bit. Yeah that isn't a good thing I'm not thinking.

It seems as if I need a break lately... that's because a lot of crap is coming all at one time and I see no stress relief. I'm trying to be less of a bury your head in the sand type gal (that is how I've dealt with stressors in the past) and deal with things but I definitely need to find a balance somewhere.

I've decided that I can go to school part time instead, a concession I didn't want to make in good times school makes me happy and makes me feel good I'm working towards something for myself and for my daughter. I'm sure this will cause more resentment towards the job and other things but it is what it is for now. I'm used to giving concessions so it won't be anything new to me. I'll just make it work out for the best and do whatever it is I need to do.

I've decided to say no to people whenever possible on social things. Lately even social things stress me out because of my work schedule being what it is it is difficult for me to attend and not compromise my sleep and down time. This is one that is going to be extremely difficult for me to do.

I've decided too look into something I think whiles stressful might alleviate some of the other stressors. I'm looking into it at the moment so I'm not sure if its an option for me but we'll see.

So in ending for today, there is a lot going on more than I've even posted or let on to but I'm working at doing more than swimming against the current, I want to swim with it for once while I breath and enjoy.

I have it harder, you get a break...

I hate hearing that whenever discussing parenting with any other parent whether they are single or not.

Sometimes this will come up in conversation when talking about the stresses of single parenting (or even parenting partnered). It always makes me cringe. I may not hear the "I have it harder" part come out of their mouth but I do hear the "at least you get a break" which really is saying "I have it harder than you do". Really? A break from what? Parenting? Really? You think it stops because my daughter is with her dad?

Wow, if only we should be so lucky those of us that have any type of shared parenting. Just like parents who do it all on their own so do parents who have shared parenting.

Parenting doesn't stop when your child is with the other parent. I must still be a mom. Sure, I may not have to rush home to make dinner but I can tell you the "extra time" I get sans child is not spent whooping it up. I'm cleaning, signing permission slips, preparing dinners ahead, doing MY school work because I need to finish school for my child as much as I do for myself, running to the grocery store, putting in extra hours at work so I can bring in enough money... the list really does go on and on and on.

Then there are other parental obligations like just because it is dad's time with the child doesn't mean all things stop, there are still activities the kids are involved in, games, events, parent-teacher meetings, orthodontist appointments, therapy appointments, doctors appointments. It just never really stops.

I have a couple of friends that will never ever get this and a particular (well a few) family members that won't ever get it either. Its irritating yet entertaining in a way that they actually think parenting stops when a child is with their other parent.

Summer Softball begins...

I got a call from Sabby's new coach and practice starts tomorrow, she was able to get the field twice this week during the day. Since they are on spring break she thought they could get started this week.

Those of you that have been through this kids childhood with me will know that this is a huge thing for her. She has always resisted anything social or interacting with other kids and sports. Last summer she came to me and said she wanted to play softball. It was too late to sign her up then but I said we would this year. The sign up sheets went up and she was all excited and asked if she could do it.

What makes this even better is it is only $30 to play and our local fire department sponsors the girls so all they need is their pants and I've been told cleats are optional and most girls don't have them. YAY!!!

I'm so excited and proud of my little uhhh I mean growing girl. She is still getting a 4.0 in school too!!!

This is no small accomplishment for her at all she has worked hard and now is becoming like this blossoming kid. She used to struggle so hard and was so totally socially inept. I worried for years, if someone had told me she'd have come this far I'd have thought they were crazy now I'm clinging to this new phase we are in.

I couldn't be a happier or prouder parent.

It is hard for me to go to some of my friends who are still struggling with challenging children. The medications she started a little over a year ago have really made the difference. Her medications before that made a difference but this one has really helped her grow to her fullest potential.

I can't wait to see what more is in store and what she becomes!

I need some accountability

I need some weightloss accountabililty so I'm posting here. I'm starting a weightloss/healthy eating/exercise journey.

I hope it goes well.