More stress... financial stress

So you'll have to view my blog entry at my other blog here in order to see but suffice it to say for this reason and some personal reasons I'm stressed.

I got Wii Fit this past Thursday as a gift for my birthday and actually that has been helping. The kicker is I had to see the lawyer on my Birthday to get a consult. I retained him.

I'm in this mess for several reasons a big one is custody crap the other big one is medical bills. I'm not even in credit card debt really.

I'm overwhelmed, completely and utterly... but I'm hanging in there and I'm doing things to not feel so overwhelmed.

There are also some family issues going on I'm not really ready to discuss here but its been rough. It will get better though... I hope.

Onto some good things... my kiddo is in softball and its fun to watch, I took Sunday off as a floater and relaxed all day. Some laundry was done and dinner was cooked other than that I sat on the couch all day long it was bliss, sheer bliss.

Getting older... blah, blah, blah!!

That's about how I feel right now.

I'll be 31 one soon, I know some of you think that I'm still a baby and to you I say I'M NOT A BABY!!! Okay, now that I've gotten that out of the way. I want to cry *sniffles* Last year for my birthday I had fabulous friends who threw me a fabulous 30th b-day bash. It was great! I had fun, and I was actually excited about turning 30. I hated most of my 20's they were a lot harder than one might think. I had a lot happen in those years and I was a mom before I even ever turned 20. Custody battles being the biggest sour note of all of my 20's. The tail end of my 20's I had a pretty major relationship end that was devastating to me. Hopes and dreams of marriage and babies went down the tubes with him (or at least it seemed that way then, I know better now the whole fish in the sea and I'm okay without and blah blah blah).

So now here I am, still single... still a mom... still going to school... still working a job I'm not entirely happy with... still... still... still.... and I'm going to be 31, next month. I don't want anyone to acknowledge my birthday... I want it to go away. I want to pretend I'm still 30 and I have a whole year to make life GRAND! I think I had this fantasy about turning 30 that something magical would happen and lemme tell ya it really hasn't.

I realize I'm fast approaching "too old" for more babies. Pretty soon those ovaries will shrivel up and the chances will be gone. On the other hand I am no where in a place to be having babies either but my clock is going like a mad (wo) man.

I've gone backwards in the past couple of years in hopes that will bring me forward one day. I know that doesn't make sense but it was a necessary evil. I haven't accomplished anything really, or I feel like I haven't.

I guess, I'm just depressed a bit. That big sigh you heard it was me... don't mind it, whining and having a pity party today.

Overwhelmed!

I haven't written in quite some time. I'm just so overwhelmed with life.

I feel very pulled lately, everyone needs something from me. I did something this weekend, I powered down my cell phone and haven't used it. I think I'm going to do that for next weekend too.

April is set to be an extremely overwhelming month with work, school, and outside obligations to friends/family.

I know part of the problem is I don't know when or how to say no. So I've decided after April is over I'm just going to power down my cell phone often. I've already made these commitments so I'll just not make any more.

No to parties
No to going out
No I can't do that this weekend

My school work is suffering, my health is suffering, my life is suffering. For now I just want to really and truly focus on me, my schooling, my health, and my finances. I've tried the explaining it to others and people just don't get it. They think oh, its just me asking for one thing. See though, its not just you asking for one thing... its you and 15 other people.

Another issue is I work Sunday thru Thursday.... most people get Sunday to relax, I don't. So everyone wants my Friday evenings and my Saturdays but no one can seem to realize that Saturday is my Sunday, Thursday is my Friday, and Friday is my Saturday. I need a relax and get stuff done day too. Also because I'm not married I think people think I'm free to just do whatever, not true. As a matter of fact even less true, there is less money because there isn't a second income, there is less time because I must do it all and also less energy because I must do it all.

I've always been pretty suckful at time management and its time I get less suckful and it so my life doesn't drive me insane!

Of course, my mom thinks the powering down the phone this weekend is ALL about her *insert the eye rolling here* she tugs too and harasses too. She is like a big huge powerful energy sucker anyway. The powering down of the cell phone had everything to do with being tugged in too many directions. I let the people that would put an APB out on me know (my mom and a couple of close friends) I was doing this. Every time I talk to my mother she tells me something she needs. I find it not amusing. Also our relationship lately has been a pretty big failure. I don't like even talking to her for short periods of time, I find myself snapping at her and getting quite snarky. I know why it is, she refuses to see why. We've never had a good relationship anyway. I've had major thoughts of cutting half of my family out of my life completely... but then the pangs of guilt come on and I just can't do it. I can however minimize crap. Okay, okay... I know she will never read this so I can come here and vent away about her. Don't think I'm some crappy daughter please, I'm not. I'm just a girl that had a very tough childhood and my mother certainly didn't make it any easier or better, she refuses to accept her responsibility in my crappy childhood, then she leeches crap from me by way of guilt (it works good btw for her). So ummm yeah there is a lot there and lately I've had my fill.

The Good Life

So I can feel myself getting a wee bit depressed. What can I say a lot of stuff is going on that is affecting me negatively.

I should be using this blog to get that out, but for some reason I can't do that.

Instead I'm going to talk about the good.

My daughter brought home a 4.0 (all A's)... there surely was never a report card like that in my hands before I became a parent. HA!! I just didn't care about my grades like she does. So a big ole WTG Sabrina for a job well done.

I have a job, there is threat of layoffs in a year depending on if the customer renews our contract or not. It is looking like not. This is somewhat a good thing though because I can plan ahead. I can be in a better financial spot than I was in April of 2007 when I was laid off for over 6 months.
I'm excited about increasing my credit score, having an emergency fund for the first time ever, and generally not drowning in the financial torrent sea I have created. I have one big expense coming up but other than that the rest is saving money. If I don't get laid off then I can use some of the emergency fund to help pay off debt. Win, win all around right? I think so.

I have a list of things I have to do:

• Re-do my budget that currently isn't working for me
• Start a savings account which earns interest
• Make a list of purchases that will reduce my bills and expenditures (odd I know but this will get covered in the new blog when I start it).

I am quitting smoking... again! You can't quit if you quit trying right?

Things with T are going smashingly well, we've had a small 'disagreement' or two but no arguments or fights since we met. He really is a great man! He has helped to get me through the hardest parts of my life I've had and he's been through it himself. It brought us a million times closer.

What is going on good for you all?

Can't even come up with a good title

I can't seem to bring myself to blog about my life but I did make a few decisions the past few weeks.

I learned about different financial schtuff and I decided to open a new blog on my road to financial whatevers. Not sure when I'll start it. I have loads and loads of posts in my head to start this particular blog but I need to come up with an intro. How weird that the intro is stumping me.

Don't worry I'll still keep up with this blog I just wanted to keep the two seperate. I guess right now though I'm just not ready to talk about things in my personal life. There is good stuff but the bad stuff has me blah!!! I do have a lot to be thankful for and this financial blog I'm going to start has me very excited and feeling in control of how some of the potentially bad stuff will turn out (like I might not have a job to come to in about a year... AGAIN!!). Giving up is NOT an option, it never is and boy am I learning what giving up does to everyone else in your life lately.

Procrastination and happy holidays!

So I'm an expert at procrastination. It really is an art form, or a sport... whatev' I'm good at it.

Thus so I've been meaning to post some things that I haven't done so, some are in my dashboard, others (most of them) were in my head... all of which I've promptly forgotten.

One big thing is I think I'm going to finally start my financial portion of this blog. See I had every intention of making this blog my life but also having special spotlights on dating and finances (as mine are a mess and I've slowly been working at it). I figured those were two spots in my life that are always chaos and I could use the reflecting back and the discipline in finances and just the reflecting in the dating portion of my life. Since I found someone to be serious about it will mostly stick to finances I guess *shrugs* who knows what the future brings.

So I don't keep procrastinating on that portion of my blog I posted.

Oh, and yes... Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. I will be working but I hope you all enjoy yours!

ETA: Oh, and yes... I have not forgotten the meme Jeanie ;)

So another night out... with a picture of the new man and me.

So yes, now I look like a complete party animal lately. I really don't know why, because I am, but I rarely get to do that.

Also drunkeness... it doesn't become me at all. This particular night (last weekend), little ole me got into a bar fight. Who does that at 30? Me and my 35 year old dear friend do apparently. We whooped arse if you really wanna know, this will be the story to tell for many moons to come because well... we don't get to get out often and we rarely oh so rarely have good stories to tell anymore. Anyway this girl stole my purse, my phone, my money... I confronted her in a polite way I might add, she got lippy and I gave her choices. Her choice was a fight... so it was what it was. It was so funny, I gave her choices like I would my 11 year old (heck for all she looked all of 17 herself and got lippy like a 17 year old anyway).

So in this pic, T thinks I'm being all friendly when in reality I know I look like crap especially because I'm drunk, and I don't want my mug showing all that much in the picture soooo I kissed him for it so my ugly mug doesn't look so ugly. Shhh don't tell him that... we'll let him believe I was being all friendly ;) So anyway this is the new man, I like bald men what can I say?

A night out.

So was it last weekend? No the weekend before definately the weekend before. My friend threw a party for her fiance since he is turning 40. It was a surprise party.

We had a blast and I thought I'd share some pictures.

Last one. My cousin Dawn, Me, my friend (and old roommate) Erica, and my cousin Nicole

2nd one... me and Carol's (one of my closest friends) mom.. doing the hustle, she's old and blind and was on cloud nine when I took her out to dance.

First one, me and my friend Jeff, who is hot (at least I think so). We used to DTD but not anymore (not for his lack of trying though). He told my old room mate (Erica) that night he wants to marry me. Told me that since... WTF ever dude!! He's a good guy, but a whiny man (like overboard) too I can't handle him but in smallerish doses. He's a day late and a dollar short anyway... there was a time I would have entertained the notion of a Jeff and Kari, but alas not anymore. Not just because I am not in the market but the idea of spending the rest of my life with Jeff or someone like him... UGH Jeff helped to pull me out of a funk last year. At the same time, Jeff has his own funks like ALL.The.Time. I try to help him where I can without wearing on my own mental health.

Might I say I really don't like the way blogger does pictures?

It's a rainy day!

It is no secret to most of my close friends that I love the rain. Today is a rainy and stormy day. Those are my favorite days. I wish I’d have known in enough time, I might have called in to enjoy my rainy day. Maybe that is a good thing, I did take a mental health day not all that long ago.

Let me explain a bit. I find rainy days cleansing. It rains, it storms and it washes everything away. I let the rain cleanse my soul. Usually this will bring all sorts of feelings to the surface I never allow out there otherwise. I won’t pretend to be in total control of my feelings; I am a woman after all. There are certain feelings though that don’t come out so easily and I can control them from surfacing. It is when it rains I allow those to come out and deal with whatever issues are causing or have caused them.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family as well as a sordid childhood I learned to shut things out and off. I find that allowing me a time to let go is actually healthy. Rain and stormy days don’t always mean doom and gloom sometimes I can allow myself to rejoice in something I haven’t allowed myself time to get totally excited about.

Today would have been a perfect day to open the blinds, get a cuppa, sit on my couch with a good no brain needed book and allow myself to think, giving myself time to sort through everything in my head. Not necessarily a ‘feeling’ day but a sort it out day.

So I sit here in my office, with all the rain and storms outside, the airport will run as usual (unless it gets too bad out there), and I have no windows. I just would like to say that most days I enjoy this… watching planes all day long gets boring but on days like today a window would be nice. The good thing is that I only have 5 more hours left and I get to leave. I’m making chicken and dumplings tonight I think… good soul food, oh and a pot of chili to freeze (YUM!!).

A to Z - Some A Me too *wink*

A to Z- Some A Me

I shamelessly copied this from Jo's Life with Heathen's Blog I thought it looked kind of fun. Of course I can never be as witty as Miss Jo but I'll give it a shot.


Accent: One of my BFF's says I have a twang... what twang? I thought that was for Southerners.. I tell her so too and her husband who has lovingly adopted me as his wifey #2 and reminds me often I am shirking on my wifely duties aaaahahahahaha

Breakfast or no breakfast: no breakfast... but that won't work with the diet I'm trying to do so I'm trying to be a good girl (not sure the bad can be removed though).

Chore I don’t care for: Can I choose all of them? I didnt think so, damn!!! DISHES!! I loathe them. That and folding and putting away the laundry

Dog or Cat: We've got no animals at the moment I love them both but mostly a dog person.

Essential Electronics: It is a tie... computer and cell phone... the jury is out.

Favorite Cologne: I think as cologne as a man thing and that would be Burberry for Men, on me I like Love Spell

Gold or Silver: Silvahhhh

Handbag I carry most often: Right now? This beautiful Coach bag I got as a gift... I'll never in this lifetime see another one of those.

Insomnia: Insomna what? I'm too tired to say ;)

Job Title: The official is MOM then student then CSR

Kids: She's around somewhere... wait... I don't hear her attitude, maybe she fell asleep *snicker*

Living Arrangements: What is that? Crap-hole!!! I let the kid live here even with her attitude, she's pretty funny sometimes she'll earn her keep one day *sigh*

Most Admirable Trait: Ironically it is also my downfall but I care.

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: Getting drunk for the first time at age 11 probably wasn't a good girl thing was it? (sorry Jo I had to steal this... we really are too much alike). *crosses fingers that it really isn't true that your kids give it back ten-fold*

Overnight hospital stays: IDK how many the last one was for pneumonia

Phobias: something happening to my daughter, claustrophobia

Quote: "Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will." - Jawaharal Nehru (somedays though I just want to fold)


Reason to smile: Today it is hard to find a reason, my only one is my kiddo

Siblings: I have some

Time I wake up: It really depends

Unusual Talent or Skill: Everything about me is unusual... hello... my blog name is not-so-normal-girl

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Okra, bleh!!!

Worst Habit: I'm not telling!!!

X-rays: Too many, I've been in a severe car accident years ago ahd many X-rays, MRI's, Cat-scans....

Yummy Stuff: Cheesecake. It's the nectar of the Gods I tell you!! (and I have to agree again Jo).

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Just went to the zoo... sans child if you can believe it.. usually it is the Gorilla but this time it was the Giraff.

So try it... come on I dare ya!!

Guilt... no guilt... guilt?

I guess the point of taking a mental health day from work would be negated by any guilt I will probably feel for calling in sick to work right?

Yeah... I thought so.

I'm so tired of the campaigning

I know who I want in office... lets get to it already.

I'm tired of the mud slinging.

I'm tired of people being at each others throats and personal debates that turn into hurt feelings. Why do politics always do that anyway?

I've researched, I encourage others to do so as well. I try to veer away from providing that research to others because people who don't want to be swayed won't be and those that don't care don't read it anyway.

I can't help myself sometimes though, I'm so excited about the canidate I support that sometimes I just have to let anyone who talks about the politics know especially when they mud sling at him.

The Blame Game!

I get really tired of the blame game.

This is something I am working on striving to help my daughter overcome. I am constantly hearing "it is not my fault". I hear this phrase even when I don't do the deadly mom death stare, raise my voice, or otherwise scold her for something. This phrase now makes me automatically assume it is indeed her fault.

I tried to grasp why my daughter feels nothing is really her fault... like EVER! I don't understand it. I have decided that I need to point out some of mom's flaws and when things are my fault... like forgetting to turn down a road... maybe I need to voice out loud that it was my fault that we have to turn around now. I'm not sure what the answer is but it is worth a try at least.

I started to ponder this whole blame game thing because I notice more so that there are many adults that do this. It isn't my fault thing. While an entire situation might not be 'your fault' maybe take a step back and find what you could have done differently to obtain a different outcome. Often times you'll find that in part at least it really was 'your fault'. Just own up to it and move on, and if you can fix it.

The point of this post really is because no one ever seems to own up... it is always a blame game and a point your finger game. Stop it, change what you can, own what you can, fix what you can, do what YOU can and stop worrying about what... you can't do, what you can't change, who you can't change... let's face it the only person you can change is YOU. Is that really so hard to do?