Frugal Vacation for the limited budget....

So I have vacation time scheduled in just about 2 weeks.

There is nothing planned, the money just isn't there. As a single parent I can't justify spending money that isn't there. Add in that Christmas is just really around the corner and YIKES!!!

We are going to have a staycation in a way but... a lot of people that do staycations jam pack it with local things to do. I don't know that we'll do much of anything.

My aunt and uncle have generously offered up their trailer at their camp ground for 2-3 days during the week and it isn't that far we may do that. All the equipment is there so really all I need is the cost to get in for each time we leave and come back (I think it is about $5), food, and gas money. Not so bad.

We also have a wave pool that is nearby it's $5 to get into the State park (I didn't get a pass this year) and $3 for each person to swim. We can bring our own picnic lunch.

When looking at it this way we'll have plenty to do and still have a relaxing time. Honestly... relaxing is what I want the most... my kid wants fun and adventure so we can have a combo of both.

We now live with my boyfriend and so it is a little easier to be able to spend a bit more freely with someone sharing the bills... but in order for us to all live together we had to upgrade the apartment, meaning I needed more than just one bedroom so we did that. Even with the added expense of the extra room its still cheaper in rent for me so thats good. That said things were just scrapping by most months and heaven forbid an emergency happens like the car breaking down. I'd rather make a cushion so I'm not living paycheck to paycheck and that's going to take quite a bit of time to do. Living as we were for as long as we were its easy to get excited and say wooohooo we can do so much more and my daughter can have so much more. Then I think about reality... reality is we could be alone again, I could struggle again... anything could happen and it'd be nice to have that cushion and THEN be able to say woohoo we can have a real vacation or YAY, I can buy my daughter x,y,z she really deserves it (although not lately with her preteen attitude lol).

Sooo, I'm not sure what we will do on vacation but I'm going to try to make it as fun and relaxing to appease everyone as possible.

What do other strapped for cash single parents do for things like this? How do you appease yourself (relaxation) and the kid(s) with excitement and adventure with limited to no funds to do so?

What kind of parent (or single parent really...) are you?

I hear all the time different variations of what makes one a single parent.

Back in the day a single parent would basically mean parenting totally alone ie. a single mom typically where the dad got every other weekend time with the children and sometimes took it and sometimes didn't.

Now you hear the term single mom/single dad/single parent all over the place. Military spouses call themselves single parents when the other parent is deployed, dads who have EOW (Extended over weekend) and one day a week parenting time call themselves single dads, moms who share joint custody with the dad call themselves single moms. Everyone without or even sometimes with a spouse are single parents.

So to you what makes a single parent? What makes you a single parent? I'm intrigued to know.

For me it is the fact that I am unmarried, parenting a child... I do have to share custody and I do have to co-parent but at my home I parent alone there is no one to pick up the slack or help with the bills, there is no one who does any of that but me. Now I do have a boyfriend and he does help with all the slack stuff when he is here and I have never had that before so its very new to me and I can't believe how much easier life is when he is around to help with the laundry, or start dinner, do the dishes.... I have to be very careful not to take too much advantage of this because I feel it creep up all the time like ohhh I'll just leave that for T he'll be here soon before I know it I'm half finishing everything because I know he'll help... so I have to catch myself and say no... this is my job and he loves helping me because it makes me happy but it isn't his job.

Oh boy, I kept going in my true fashion huh? lol I have a tendency to over explain ha!!!

I have it harder, you get a break...

I hate hearing that whenever discussing parenting with any other parent whether they are single or not.

Sometimes this will come up in conversation when talking about the stresses of single parenting (or even parenting partnered). It always makes me cringe. I may not hear the "I have it harder" part come out of their mouth but I do hear the "at least you get a break" which really is saying "I have it harder than you do". Really? A break from what? Parenting? Really? You think it stops because my daughter is with her dad?

Wow, if only we should be so lucky those of us that have any type of shared parenting. Just like parents who do it all on their own so do parents who have shared parenting.

Parenting doesn't stop when your child is with the other parent. I must still be a mom. Sure, I may not have to rush home to make dinner but I can tell you the "extra time" I get sans child is not spent whooping it up. I'm cleaning, signing permission slips, preparing dinners ahead, doing MY school work because I need to finish school for my child as much as I do for myself, running to the grocery store, putting in extra hours at work so I can bring in enough money... the list really does go on and on and on.

Then there are other parental obligations like just because it is dad's time with the child doesn't mean all things stop, there are still activities the kids are involved in, games, events, parent-teacher meetings, orthodontist appointments, therapy appointments, doctors appointments. It just never really stops.

I have a couple of friends that will never ever get this and a particular (well a few) family members that won't ever get it either. Its irritating yet entertaining in a way that they actually think parenting stops when a child is with their other parent.

Summer Softball begins...

I got a call from Sabby's new coach and practice starts tomorrow, she was able to get the field twice this week during the day. Since they are on spring break she thought they could get started this week.

Those of you that have been through this kids childhood with me will know that this is a huge thing for her. She has always resisted anything social or interacting with other kids and sports. Last summer she came to me and said she wanted to play softball. It was too late to sign her up then but I said we would this year. The sign up sheets went up and she was all excited and asked if she could do it.

What makes this even better is it is only $30 to play and our local fire department sponsors the girls so all they need is their pants and I've been told cleats are optional and most girls don't have them. YAY!!!

I'm so excited and proud of my little uhhh I mean growing girl. She is still getting a 4.0 in school too!!!

This is no small accomplishment for her at all she has worked hard and now is becoming like this blossoming kid. She used to struggle so hard and was so totally socially inept. I worried for years, if someone had told me she'd have come this far I'd have thought they were crazy now I'm clinging to this new phase we are in.

I couldn't be a happier or prouder parent.

It is hard for me to go to some of my friends who are still struggling with challenging children. The medications she started a little over a year ago have really made the difference. Her medications before that made a difference but this one has really helped her grow to her fullest potential.

I can't wait to see what more is in store and what she becomes!

Toothbrush Duty!!

A post on a board I recently joined reminded me about something I used to do with my daughter, Toothbrush Duty. Toothbrush duty is when you get in trouble and mom hands you a toothbrush and a gives you a job to clean.

Kiddo's mouth and attitude really stink lately and I've been pulling my hair out. Duh' toothbrush duty time has been needed for a long time here now. I need to get a little more creative though now that she is older. The toothbrush hung for far too long.

Do your kids respond to chores as their discipline? Really, she has a set of chores that I expect her to do when told and oddly enough she doesn't give me much lip about that. She may moan and groan and say 'but we just did that last week' (or yesterday, or whatever), as if it never needs to be done again. She really used to loathe toothbrush duty and I forget why it went away, maybe she got better and I got lazy after that dunno, but its coming back.

What do you do for the mouthiness? Further, does it work?

She likes a boy

she won't tell me much but his name. I won't share though.

Darn kid told me she'd tell me a little each day because she's embarrassed about it.

I wanna know all about this boy.

I think I hate middle school now!

I really do have the best daughter ever!

I have to brag about Sabrina, she is really the best kid ever. Those of us in tween hell will appreciate that this is a rare occurance, because while we love our kids, sometimes it is really, really (no I mean really) hard to like them. I think they do stuff like this to keep from being killed before they turn 18. Whatever it is she is saved from tweenicide for now.

Something must be right about the parenting she receives.

I'm sick, sick as a dog. It was 'just a cold' that moved to what is likely a sinus infection. This will likely move to bronchitis because I will not make time to see a doctor and it will spiral. Also I'm miserable and I don't wanna go. I'm done with the sickness (ha like that spin?) ewwww wha wha haha. Okay I'm done being dorky and being all ADD getting all side tracked (oh... look a kitty).

Okay, in all seriousness. My kid is awsome.

Yesterday was her second time staying home alone while I worked. She did everything asked of her, she cleaned the living room and did the dishes and showered. YAY!! She went above and beyond that though too, she ran the vacuum in the living room, and made the bed. She finished all of her homework while I was at work all before turning on the television or the Wii.

I get home, and I make dinner. I force my sick self to eat. I promptly get sick. Kiddo calls her step-mom to come and get her as I'm supposed to be dropping her off there. Step-mom agrees but asks if 8pm is too late, no, no it isn't. All the while Sabrina is bringing me blankets, and hot cider, cleaning up dinner and the dishes, and taking care of her sick ole' mom. I'm wondering where my kid is but I won't ask for fear that the aliens might take her back, so I enjoy it.

Step-mom picks my daughter up and they go on their merry way. Sabrina must have told her step-mom how sick I was because about 10 mins later in comes Sabrina again with Vernors (ginger-ale for non-Michiganders) for my sick self. This is super cool because I asked my mom to bring me some and she refused, Sabrina had wanted to take her bike in the snowy cold rain and get me some but I said no.

I must be some kind of sick to get this kind of treatment. Normally if I am not feeling well she rolls her eyes at me and huffs and puffs if I so much as ask her to clean up her own plates, or bring the kleenex. This she did mostly all on her own. Either that or meebee its the impending holidays and the fact that she knows mom is Santa now so she wants the good gifts. Nawww she's a good kid, but this isn't normal for her and it was a nice surprise.

My child

I haven't blogged on her in a while. I've been focusing on me in this blog for whatever reason that is. Maybe it is because my whole life is her and it is nice to have this little space on the internet that is just mine. However, I am a mom too so she is part of who I am.

My 11 year old child is playing the clarinet as I type this... gone are the days of the screaching instrument (mostly) and she is getting quite good at it. Despite that her report card says she needs more practice.

Since I mentioned the report card I must RAVE that her most recent one (minus band) was fabu. She's doing beautifully in middle school. So much so I haven't even logged onto that parent connect website they mailed us about yet. Must put that on my check list of things to do soon.

She's doing great with her braces and I expect her treatment time to be minimal. Her next appointment is during Christmas break.

Her sassiness and moodiness still leave quite a bit to be desired though. Ahhh the perils of tweenhood.

I made a mean lasagna that even her royal pickiness couldn't complain about last night. *note to self, make this more often and sneak in stuff her royal pickiness complains about eating*

Excuse #1: Why I haven't been blogging

Well, really it will turn into more than one excuse this is just my first time excusing myself for not blogging. There are several factors

1) Nursing a sore child after extensive (and expensive) orthodontia work. Oye vey is what I say to both the extensive part and the expensive part. This is tiring for moms too let me tell you.

2) Work, work, and a little more work. I wish all that OT would get me out of the financial hole I am in but alas that only happens after some time. My some time isn't served yet apparently.

3) Stress!! Yes ladies and gents (well really I think I only have two readers so ladies ha ha ha), stress will cause you not to blog. Which actually brings me to another thought to blog about: finances... *said in my best TV announcer voice* please stay tuned to my local blog for another blog topic I may need some ideas here and I have lots that I am rolling off the presses.

Well that's it for now because work calls.

Middle School: Week 2

So we got through our first week of middle school. It seems to be going well... most of the questions I ask though I get shrugs and "I dunno" but I hear that is pretty common and it has been a common response her whole life anyway ha ha ha.

She is enjoying band still, and she says she's been late to gym almost everyday due to logistics... we'll see how that reflects on her. I'll actually mention it at open house next week.

Mom is still a little bit crazy but she is doing better too.

Middle School is tough on mom.. I plead temporary insanity

So my daughter started her first day of middle school today.

This is so much harder than Kindergarden was. In kindergaren I knew she was the wee little one but there were so many people that thought awww they are so cute and took care of them. In 6th grade though... yeahhhhhh not so much.

They are given a tour of the school quickly then given their schedules and they are let loose. No one shows them to their buses or even directs them where to go.

I have a hard time letting go so I went up to the school early before dismisal and watched from the parking lot to make sure my wee little 6th grader knew what she was doing without knowing mom was actually there. My attempts to go all incognito failed and I was busted!!! Ahhh we'll get to that in a bit.

Anyway I spot my 6th grader coming out of the school, she's totally petrified and alone. Try to imagine all this with me fellow mothers. I see here frantically looking around for the right bus, and she can't find it. I can see her classic fidgiting signs that mean she might loose it at any moment. I am sitting in my car with tears streaming down my face as I watch this because I know in my head I can't rescue her. All my instincts tell me to go run to her as fast as I can and rescue her from the pits of middle school and all the scary things. All of a sudden I can't see her... I know she must have gotten on "a" bus... but which bus? Oh no!!! A new set of panic sets in... what if she got on the wrong bus? All of this knowing full well she has a cell phone in her bag and can call home. The thing is does she know when to call home or will she panic like mom? Who knows unless we test it out.

See before all of this I find out there is major bus trouble and that on the first day of 6th grade my cousins son got all messed up for the same reasons and didn't make it on the bus home. This added into first time middle schooler mom and the panic I saw in my daughters face as well as the tears she fought back after she thought I left her in this big bad school this morning to fend for herself.

As well it wasn't that long ago I was a new middle schooler entering the sixth grade. One of the benefits sometimes of teenaged motherhood is that I KNOW when things are going on with my kid because it wasnt' that long ago that I was there. I'll know if she tries to get high, or she sneaks out, I know all the tricks. The downside I remember still all those feelings and I have moments of insanity where I think I can spare her all that somehow.

Oh and that I was busted note up there somewhere. It was confirmed my daughter was on the correct bus when she got off of it because she saw me and was confused. I directed her to get back on the bus, and to go to her father's as planned. I had to go to work.

Lesson here... it is likely much harder on mom when she makes it harder on herself. I'm sure my daughter would have been fine and I wouldn't have caused myself the emotional upheavel if I had just stayed home.

Stay tuned... for more middle school stories... especially from this week as somehow I think it will take mom that long to adjust along with daughter.

Hey, at least I wasn't that mom that I saw taking pictures in front of the entire Middle School of my new middle schooler's first day of school talking about how cute it was. That mom fer sure embaressed her kid.

The Blame Game!

I get really tired of the blame game.

This is something I am working on striving to help my daughter overcome. I am constantly hearing "it is not my fault". I hear this phrase even when I don't do the deadly mom death stare, raise my voice, or otherwise scold her for something. This phrase now makes me automatically assume it is indeed her fault.

I tried to grasp why my daughter feels nothing is really her fault... like EVER! I don't understand it. I have decided that I need to point out some of mom's flaws and when things are my fault... like forgetting to turn down a road... maybe I need to voice out loud that it was my fault that we have to turn around now. I'm not sure what the answer is but it is worth a try at least.

I started to ponder this whole blame game thing because I notice more so that there are many adults that do this. It isn't my fault thing. While an entire situation might not be 'your fault' maybe take a step back and find what you could have done differently to obtain a different outcome. Often times you'll find that in part at least it really was 'your fault'. Just own up to it and move on, and if you can fix it.

The point of this post really is because no one ever seems to own up... it is always a blame game and a point your finger game. Stop it, change what you can, own what you can, fix what you can, do what YOU can and stop worrying about what... you can't do, what you can't change, who you can't change... let's face it the only person you can change is YOU. Is that really so hard to do?