So another night out... with a picture of the new man and me.

So yes, now I look like a complete party animal lately. I really don't know why, because I am, but I rarely get to do that.

Also drunkeness... it doesn't become me at all. This particular night (last weekend), little ole me got into a bar fight. Who does that at 30? Me and my 35 year old dear friend do apparently. We whooped arse if you really wanna know, this will be the story to tell for many moons to come because well... we don't get to get out often and we rarely oh so rarely have good stories to tell anymore. Anyway this girl stole my purse, my phone, my money... I confronted her in a polite way I might add, she got lippy and I gave her choices. Her choice was a fight... so it was what it was. It was so funny, I gave her choices like I would my 11 year old (heck for all she looked all of 17 herself and got lippy like a 17 year old anyway).

So in this pic, T thinks I'm being all friendly when in reality I know I look like crap especially because I'm drunk, and I don't want my mug showing all that much in the picture soooo I kissed him for it so my ugly mug doesn't look so ugly. Shhh don't tell him that... we'll let him believe I was being all friendly ;) So anyway this is the new man, I like bald men what can I say?

A night out.

So was it last weekend? No the weekend before definately the weekend before. My friend threw a party for her fiance since he is turning 40. It was a surprise party.

We had a blast and I thought I'd share some pictures.

Last one. My cousin Dawn, Me, my friend (and old roommate) Erica, and my cousin Nicole

2nd one... me and Carol's (one of my closest friends) mom.. doing the hustle, she's old and blind and was on cloud nine when I took her out to dance.

First one, me and my friend Jeff, who is hot (at least I think so). We used to DTD but not anymore (not for his lack of trying though). He told my old room mate (Erica) that night he wants to marry me. Told me that since... WTF ever dude!! He's a good guy, but a whiny man (like overboard) too I can't handle him but in smallerish doses. He's a day late and a dollar short anyway... there was a time I would have entertained the notion of a Jeff and Kari, but alas not anymore. Not just because I am not in the market but the idea of spending the rest of my life with Jeff or someone like him... UGH Jeff helped to pull me out of a funk last year. At the same time, Jeff has his own funks like ALL.The.Time. I try to help him where I can without wearing on my own mental health.

Might I say I really don't like the way blogger does pictures?

Rejection.. I hate it

So, I've been avoiding the rejection of the guys I needed to let down. Two of them went away on their own when I flaked out on them.

M, I didn't really flake out on because he wasn't contacting me and when he did it was a text here or there inquiring about how I was doing ect... We are both single parents, he is primary and sole of his two children and we are both very busy. When we met ages ago we just wanted to date and date other people. He lives an hour away in another state so we texted and talked only occassionally and then went out even less than that as our schedules allowed. We had great fun together but I never felt any chemistry with him, who knows maybe he didn't either and felt we were just friends too.

Anyway, Monday he called and wanted to get together sometime this month and also wanted me to go with him and his kids and some others to go see a Christmas lights thing next month (he invited Sabrina too). Boy, he asks early lol but he understands the schemantics behind being a parent and getting out. He's a really great guy, just not for me which sucked when I realized that but he was a great companion and provided great company.

So I sent him an email (cringe, I am a coward what can I say?) in response to his text yesterday that I never replied to and told him my battery was dead (great now I'm a liar too).. Why is it that when you have the most men at your disposal is when you don't want them there? So is an email okay for this purpose?

Here is what I sent:

Hi M (name removed obviously),

How are you?

I got your
text messages late last night but I was exhausted and went to bed since I had to
be up early for work today. My battery was dead most of the day and my charger
was at home so I didn't get them until I charged it and was ready for
bed.

I needed to let you know though that I have been dating and
have decided to see where it goes with one person in particular. I'm not sure
where it will go for sure but I wanted to give this a chance and decided not to
date other people anymore. That doesn't mean I can't have friends, but I need to
be clear as well to be fair.

If you still want to talk on the phone
and be friends let me know, if not I completely understand that as well. I have
enjoyed your company and you are a really nice guy, it would be great to remain
friends as I think we both have a bit we can support each other on (parenting
for one thing).

I hope this message finds you well and I'm sorry
that I didn't respond last night.

Talk to you soon!

Sooo was I wrong to do it this way? I just sent it so no going back now.

Tell me, what have you done in the past?

My child

I haven't blogged on her in a while. I've been focusing on me in this blog for whatever reason that is. Maybe it is because my whole life is her and it is nice to have this little space on the internet that is just mine. However, I am a mom too so she is part of who I am.

My 11 year old child is playing the clarinet as I type this... gone are the days of the screaching instrument (mostly) and she is getting quite good at it. Despite that her report card says she needs more practice.

Since I mentioned the report card I must RAVE that her most recent one (minus band) was fabu. She's doing beautifully in middle school. So much so I haven't even logged onto that parent connect website they mailed us about yet. Must put that on my check list of things to do soon.

She's doing great with her braces and I expect her treatment time to be minimal. Her next appointment is during Christmas break.

Her sassiness and moodiness still leave quite a bit to be desired though. Ahhh the perils of tweenhood.

I made a mean lasagna that even her royal pickiness couldn't complain about last night. *note to self, make this more often and sneak in stuff her royal pickiness complains about eating*

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.. and other things

So things with T are going smashingly well.

We spent a good portion of the weekend together and it was blissful. I was just in the hospital recently so we just watched movies and ordered pizza one day and another one we went to the movies. It was just nice to cuddle on the couch.

He held my hand, put his arms around me all the nice stuff that I really enjoy and that most men I've been with lack in. I let him know how much I enjoyed it so he continues lol He is very very attentive. He sang to me in his not so nice singing voice but it was sweet anyway (and funny). We just had a lot of fun getting to know more about one another.

He called me his girlfriend so we had a talk about that (YAY, I didn't have to be the one to bring it all up).

I'll stop the gushing stuff to tell you that this man is so respectful. This morning he texted me, like he does every morning to say good morning, but today he let me know he forgot to charge his phone last night. Why is that important to me you might ask?

Well.. I've come used to hearing from him through out the day with little things like "how is your day?" or what not. My most recent ex (and yes I'm going to compare here but I do that so little... I think), would let his phone die and we lived in separate areas in a long distance relationship. The problem was I would worry and he had no one in his area. Anyway it ended up being a big issue because it was happening too often one time it happened for 2 days because... well that's not important. This ex and I were talking marriage so it isn't like I was being a psyco (although I did for other things lol). Because this was a big issue, it is now to me. T and I haven't talked about it or anything we aren't at that point yet. I thought though it was really cool that he thought of me to tell me with the last of his battery that basically I'm sorry I won't be texting you today, and this is why. When things get even more serious between us it will be important to me that he respects me enough to let me know say he's going to be home late or something like that. I was impressed... or maybe I'm looking to far into this lol

I am proud

Hi all, I have been sick (and hospitalized) so this is the first I can post on the election since the results.

I have to say despite the nay-sayers. I am proud today to be an American. History has been made and there is no denying that. I am proud American's stood up and were counted and we elected a half black man into presidency. In other countries this might not have been such a remarkable and historic event but here it is. This marks how far this country has come.

Despite your political beliefs, your disappointment in the election results, or ecstasy this is monumental and we should rejoice in the event. As Americans we should be proud of how far we have come.

It's a rainy day!

It is no secret to most of my close friends that I love the rain. Today is a rainy and stormy day. Those are my favorite days. I wish I’d have known in enough time, I might have called in to enjoy my rainy day. Maybe that is a good thing, I did take a mental health day not all that long ago.

Let me explain a bit. I find rainy days cleansing. It rains, it storms and it washes everything away. I let the rain cleanse my soul. Usually this will bring all sorts of feelings to the surface I never allow out there otherwise. I won’t pretend to be in total control of my feelings; I am a woman after all. There are certain feelings though that don’t come out so easily and I can control them from surfacing. It is when it rains I allow those to come out and deal with whatever issues are causing or have caused them.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family as well as a sordid childhood I learned to shut things out and off. I find that allowing me a time to let go is actually healthy. Rain and stormy days don’t always mean doom and gloom sometimes I can allow myself to rejoice in something I haven’t allowed myself time to get totally excited about.

Today would have been a perfect day to open the blinds, get a cuppa, sit on my couch with a good no brain needed book and allow myself to think, giving myself time to sort through everything in my head. Not necessarily a ‘feeling’ day but a sort it out day.

So I sit here in my office, with all the rain and storms outside, the airport will run as usual (unless it gets too bad out there), and I have no windows. I just would like to say that most days I enjoy this… watching planes all day long gets boring but on days like today a window would be nice. The good thing is that I only have 5 more hours left and I get to leave. I’m making chicken and dumplings tonight I think… good soul food, oh and a pot of chili to freeze (YUM!!).

Fishing was fun but...

It would seem on the surface that casting my pole into the sea roused up several fish. I let some go right away; a few were tossed back after getting to know them via the phone. There is one I’m still needing to let go but not entirely sure how, and then there is M as well… need to let him go but he’s from ages ago and I think we are just friends but he invited me for dinner and a movie at his place… that’s not a friends thing is it?

Anyway that brings me to T, T was my date who was a friends neighbor. The date that has turned into 5 dates and the reason I need to let go of J (tossed back though about a week ago), M, N and probably remove my POF profile. This is something I will be bringing up during our next conversation. Although, I’m not sure how well in the hurt feelings department that is going to go. See I’m pretty confident that all along I’ve been T’s only fish. I will gently remind him I guess that we never discussed commitment further than we both were looking for that.

Now is the time to have a discussion I think, because… well because I think you can all guess why. SEX. Yes, I’d like to have sex with this man. I don’t mean I have to right now but eventually I’d like this man in my bed doing the deed. I don’t think I am capable of having sex with one man while I date a multitude of others. I’ve been quite the promiscuous little vixen in my life but I decided that was behind me a while back and I’ve mostly stuck to it. I feel that T and I have a connection, the dating is ready to take to the next level, and I see it going somewhere (he does too he has said as much). T has put everything in my hands, has been patient and understanding and has said that I am in control. Way to put the pressure on T!! Thanks ;)

Now, all of this being said: I have also felt myself get giddy over this man, that stupid giddy feeling that I dread with a passion. Giddy makes me stupid!! The man causes those stupid butterflies that every girl it seems swoon over and I roll my eyes at. I’ve gotten caught up in giddy before… it leads to trouble lemme tell ya. So I’m trying to be rational through the butterflies and giddiness and keep my head on straight. I don’t want to be the girl that calls every hour and says “ohhhh I miss you boo boo so so much” like an hour after he leaves. That is just barftastic. I’ve been there before; I have no plans of going back. I think it is relatively normal to feel giddy and therefore want to act in stupid ways especially for women. I think I’m doing fairly well at combating that desire to act like some swooning, smitten, school girl. Even if secretly I am a swooning, smitten schoolgirl (hey and I’m in college so I can claim schoolgirl easily).